Little Courage
by Concubine99
Summary: Karofsky knows he's a coward and knows, deep down, that Hummel will never like him back –not when guys with more courage and style were willing to love him in public. Blaine/Kurt, onesided Karofsky/Kurt. POV from Karofsky. Companion piece is up!


**Little Courage**

**Spoilers: **For episode 6, _Never Been Kissed_

**Disclaimer: **Neither Glee nor its characters belong to me.

**Pairings:** Blaine/Kurt, speculations of Sam/Kurt; unreciprocated Karofsky/Kurt

**Warning:** Uhh…slash and from the P.O.V of the "Neanderthal"

**Summary:** He's watched him, had desired him during the nights, and wanted to hate him during the day. If he didn't hate himself like he did, he'd admit after the kiss that he liked him- loved him even. Except Hummel would never like him back –not when guys with more courage and style were willing to love him in public.

* * *

His lips were soft, like some girls he's kissed in the past, and his cheeks were smooth and warmer than he would have ever imagined possible. The tension was radiating from his skin- his pores- but as he pulled back, all he could see where those eyes- strange eyes that were blue but also green and grey in certain lighting and emotions- and the way his lips were parted, almost as if an invitation. He leaned forward, suddenly not getting enough of his taste but the kid seemed to have gained his bearings. He pulled back, looking almost horrified but mostly confused and shocked, his fingers falling to his lips in a manner that would have been delicate on a girl.

He should have known. He should have-

He slammed his fist against the lockers, the pain stopping his thoughts but not quite the rapid beating of his heart or the way his emotions were threatening to choke him. He saw him jump in surprise but didn't stay long enough for the boy to shake off his surprise.

He left, knowing he was a coward but unable or perhaps unwilling to do anything about it.

Yet all he could think about was how his fingers burned from the warmth of the kid's skin or the sudden coldness in his chest. He wanted to go back to that locker room, wrap his arms around that slim waist and push the two of them together, flushed and without any space between them. He wanted to kiss him again, wanted to tell him how he dreamt of him nearly every day now, how he was scared and how he felt like dying every time he slammed him against a locker- how he wouldn't do it again because he was in love-

But no, shit like that only happened on TV or movies.

Shit like that didn't happen in Lima, Ohio.

The guy was handsome, almost classical movie-star handsome. The little prep reminded him of those movies his mom likes to watch late at night when her insomnia kicked in. He hated those movies.

He hated this prep-dude.

Kurt looked as calm and cold as ever- an Ice Queen in the making except for his eyes- sea blue at the moment- which looked almost cautious but a little annoyed.

He was standing rather close to prep-dude, close enough that they could hold hands if they wanted to. He suddenly hated the guy even more.

He dodged their questions, adding a heavy layer of contempt when he asked if prep-dude was the kid's new boyfriend.

The guy was trying to be sympathetic, nice and a good fellow person. The kid no doubt liked that about him. He wasn't truly thinking when he slammed the guy against the wall, the guy looking not the least bit intimidated but instead, as if he was in the middle of appeasing the child.

The kid didn't waste any time, shoving him away like he was nothing.

"Stop this!" Kurt said, looking upset but incredulous and annoyed and…

God, Kurt.

He turned around, suddenly it was too much. He couldn't deal with Kurt looking at him like that. Not when he knew how the kid's lips tasted. Not when…

Kitty was at her locker when he walked pass the hall. He grabbed her by the arm, swung her around and kissed her. Wanted to forget Kurt's lips.

She wasn't as warm, her lips weren't as soft and when he pulled away, her brown eyes disgusted him.

The prep-due, Blaine, as he found out -what kind of fucking name was Blaine?- started meeting Ku- the kid after school almost every Friday but also sometime Wednesdays.

Kurt and he seemed real close, always smiling at each other, almost so close to one another they could hold hands if they wanted to.

He always walked the other way. But that didn't mean he didn't notice how Kurt would grin down at his phone while walking down the hall, texting away. Didn't mean he didn't notice that picture in his locker.

Didn't mean he wasn't aware of how the Glee dorks had invited the prep-faggot to one of their little meetings as a surprise for Kurt. Didn't mean he didn't hear the song Movie-Star Handsome sang to Ku- the faggot in his smooth voice or how Kurt ran towards him at the end, wrapping his arms around prep-dude's neck and kissing him like he didn't and never _would_ kiss him, the Neanderthal that had bullied and harassed him since the beginning.

He slammed his fist against the closest locker, knowing immediately that his hand was not only bruised, but perhaps even fractured.

He wanted to say that he didn't care, but his chest was tight with a sudden heaviness. He forgot how to breathe for a second as he replayed that kiss he witnessed. Kurt hadn't kissed him like that…he hadn't even kissed him back…

Fuck.

He wasn't gay. It was Kurt faggot-y Hummel's fault. Too much of a girl to be a boy. _Fuck_.

He didn't know why he did it.

One minute he was walking down the hallway and the next, he had his fist against Kurt's stomach, the smaller boy slouched forward in pain.

He pulled back, feeling as if he was going to be sick as Kurt fell to his knees and then on his butt, gasping for breath and wheezing.

Fuck, he hurt his ribs. He just knew it. He's done it enough times to know the signs.

_Fuck_.

People were staring at him, some looking at him in slight horror and then suddenly, he saw the Glee-dorks rushing over towards them.

He ran towards the closest restroom. He didn't even reach the toilet before he was throwing up in the sink. He threw up until his stomach was empty and even then, he kept dry heaving. He clutched at the edges so tightly his hands were starting to lose all feelings.

When he was done, he leaned his forehead against the edges, feeling so drained he was surprised he could stand up. He vaguely heard the door to the bathroom being slammed open but it wasn't until someone was slamming their fist into his side that he jerked out of his trance.

"The fuck is your problem!" Evans yelled, his face red. His fist came at him again, this time to his face. He didn't dodge it, not because he thought he deserved it or anything…no…

"You ever so much as look at Kurt the wrong way again and I'll be knocking all your teeth with a bat, you hear me, Karofsky?"

He was silent, staring at the guy whose grip was around his neck, holding him against the wall. He's seen how Evans looked at Kurt too.

He really liked Quinn, that Karofsky could tell. But he also liked to stare at Kurt's ass, sometimes gaze openly at Kurt's face when the boy got excited or opened his mouth to let out a cutting remark. The guy would probably have done something eventually about this semi-crush if Kurt wasn't already taken.

"Let go of me Evans," he said. He wanted to mention that he knew the blond had homo feelings for ladyface. Wanted to tell him that he should go hang out with the other queers of the school.

He didn't.

He just kept thinking about Kurt's face when he had punched him hard enough to bruise ribs.

Hummel's dad was a badass- Karofsky met him once when he needed to get his mom's car fixed-and he knew it wouldn't be long before the man was after him with a rifle. Rumor had it he was real protective of the little fairy- of Kurt.

He wished he could be like that; so open to love-

He pushed against Evan's chest. "Why don't you go back to Kurt and comfort him until his Movie-Star boyfriend gets here?"

He was surprised when Blaine the Boy-Wonder met him just as he was leaving for the parking lot. The punch he threw at him surprised him even more.

For such a cool individual- someone so composed and detached, for someone so…skinny, the little shit could throw a punch. Made him wonder if the guy had done it before.

"I get it!" he said. "You're scared out of your mind, you're frustrated and Kurt's the most available target. Plus, you seem to have a rather disturbing little crush on him, but that does not excuse your actions. Deciding you need to _punch_ him, seriously? He can fight his own battles but this, you're going to have to deal with me."

"Yeah, you think you can take me on?"

"Don't have to," he said, looking almost smug. "Although I probably _could_. Let's just say I can be a rather vindictive little asshole." The guy dared to lean close to him. "Dare to touch Kurt again and I swear you'll-"

"Blaine?"

The guy's expression almost melted off, one minute looking as he was contemplating knifing him and the next, he was turning and giving the little fairy such an obnoxious grin. "Hey," he said. "How you feeling?"

Kurt's eyes slid past Blaine and fell on him before they jerked back towards his boyfriend. "Ok. My dad's going to pick me up. Nurse says I should get some X-Rays…"

He turned away at that. He was lucky it was the end of school when he had punched Kurt but that didn't mean tomorrow he wouldn't be hearing from the principal. He was going to get expelled, he just knew it.

Move-Star Handsome wrapped an arm around Kurt's shoulders, his expression tender. "Come on, I'll wait with you."

Kurt didn't even look at him, his gaze on Blaine as they walked away. He knew he deserved Kurt's cold shoulder- deserved a lot more but he just couldn't quite deal with it.

Couldn't help how sick he felt when Mr. Cool kissed Kurt's lips before he was pressing quick pecks all over his face, causing Kurt to laugh and then slightly wince as his bruised ribs protested. But he still looked happy, content and just fucking beautiful.

He left then, knowing he needed to get out of there before something else happened, before he ran towards them, confessed everything to Kurt- tell him how much he just wanted him, how much he loved and just…how fucking scared he was.

He didn't do all that. He didn't deserve a chance with Kurt- he didn't really deserve anything from Kurt except a restraining order.

He left for home and when he got there, he didn't do anything but sleep.

* * *

Anyway, I had started this right after "Special Education" and well…yeah, I just now decided to post it. Anyhow, what do you guys think? I know it's a little confusing because Karofsky isn't identified at any point directly but I tried to make it as clear as possible that it was him speaking and when it was him I was referring to, especially seeing as he didn't quite like calling anyone by their name.

There's a companion piece to this called: Wisdom to Know


End file.
